Spiritual deception: How does lying to yourself lead to cheating?

The closeness between partners is the boundlessness of perception and the joint discovery of opportunities. Only with such love will you be constantly relaxed. Only with this approach to life will fate always be on your side. It is useless to pray to God and be in suspense, i.e. deceive yourself and deceive people through whom you will know God. Your loved one is a project for life, or at least for a long time. And you really should consider life as your main business, in which it is worth investing both strength, time, money, and understanding. Therefore, if you have been betrayed and you are in pain, then you do not need to delay time, but break up at least for some period. I know that this contradicts the opinion of the majority, but I suggest we figure it out without looking for "easy" ways.

In several materials, we will look at various causes of infidelity that accumulate for a long time and also keep you in despair for a long time. Today we will talk about a seemingly "banal option" — adjusting to a partner.

Be careful with your fate

I wrote in the article Pain bonuses: why do we need suffering?: "The power of prayer at the peak of emotions works, so I insist — do not invent images of the future and do not ask for anything in a state of pain." In the previous article, we already talked about the very unpleasant consequences of unconscious wish magic. Be careful with your fate — you always have to pay the price. Therefore — in no case — do not ask for "it to be like before", because before you most likely lived a lie. Otherwise, there would be no pain...

Betrayal of one's essence

You are a good person. Let's take this as a fact. Don't doubt it. I understand perfectly well that you have been hurt, you have been cheated on — and now you have found out about it now or you have been dragging out a traumatic relationship for a long time. They waited and were afraid to take any action, because loneliness seems to many to be the most terrible test.

We're not talking about your partner's moral character. We'll talk about you. And the evidence of accepting a new fact of biography can be very unpleasant. Be angry at me, be indignant, deny — but have time to think between emotions.

The most common reason for cheating is that you get cheated on when you cheat on yourself.

Yes, this is the deepest betrayal — betrayal of your essence. It consists in the fact that in a relationship you adjust to your partner. Adjusting is cheating on yourself.

When you adjust to your partner, you do not live at full capacity, but exist in an invented reality, and make a convenient "probe" out of your real self.

Of course, I'm not talking about such primitive things as the distribution of responsibilities in the "pack". Here you are able to figure out for yourself who cooks deliciously, who cleans cleanly, and who disposes of garbage without straining.

If you don't like something, don't save up your anger for a "Sunday scandal." At the very moment when phrases that traumatize your psyche are uttered, you need to say very calmly — without emotion — "These words hurt me. Don't do that, please." And — explain — why these words or actions cause such a reaction in you. Explain, rather than demonstrate by your puffed-up behavior, that you are offended.

It's stupid to be offended. It's fixating on its importance. All situations need to be solved as effectively as possible at the moment they enter your life.

Then, of course, you also need to calmly ask your partner: "Why did he say that?". Ninety percent of the time, you'll find out that he didn't mean anything offensive, but you made up the problem yourself. And these painful words just show the level of your neurosis. And you need to find the reason in yourself... Oh, I'm not that beautiful and successful!.. Ah, I'm not that manly and rich!.. Ah... ah... ah... How dare you insult me?! The source file of suffering is always in you. And through aggression, the fear of not conforming to your own illusions about yourself just comes out of you...

Stop making up fairy tales about your coolness. Try to spend at least a day without dissatisfaction with others!

We're cleaning it up. I don't want that

If you impartially track what provokes aggression inside you and inside your partner, then you will make a huge leap into the happy future of your love without moronic claims to each other.

But if your partner continues to humiliate you "just because it's cool," then he does it in order to raise his self—esteem at your expense. He is a frail man — a banal energy vampire.

There are two options for development.

The first is that you yourself like to be a victim and suffer bullying. Then you continue the sadistic-masochistic relationship to the satisfaction of both.

The second one is that you kiss your partner in the sixth chakra and/or shove a banana into the first one. And you do it with full responsibility for choosing it yourself. Next, thank yourself and him for the wonderful experience of "working with personal neuroses" and say goodbye. You're smiling. Exhale. And you go through life without idiots in bed.

What if this is "your man" and he made a mistake? Perfectly! Let him do the work on the mistake in private. He needs to think about it too.

Wisdom enters consciousness — through awareness of loss, and not through scandals where you are measured by vanity.

With people who have caused real, not illusory pain, it is necessary to act so that they return to reality and analyze what is happening.

If this is "your person", then after a while you will already meet a changed person who will appreciate the closeness of your relationship. And you will start in a new way!

Of course, in extreme cases, you can not part. Everyone has different living conditions. But it is necessary to do for yourself the practice of working out hatred in solitude. The only thing that will change from the beautiful words "I have forgiven" is that you will deceive yourself again and warm up your sense of self-importance by being so "forgiving". And the lump of pain will remain inside. And he — this lump — will wait for his "finest hour" — he will definitely splash out on his partner. And the accumulated pain will burn you both. Pain can sit inside and slow down fate. This can last for years... For years — your life.

Don't be silent — your partner doesn't read minds

If your partner is a psychologically healthy person, then he cares about your condition and wants to see a happy person next to him. In this case, he will certainly remember what offends you... Naturally, while you are working together to get rid of it. It will remember as easily as what kind of coffee you drink, what foods you like, what ingredients you can't stand, how you prefer to spend your morning, how and when you like to have sex, etc.

If your partner is unable to remember this, then — oh — you probably overreacted by calling him "your own." But the main condition is that you should know the same thing about him. And not to do to a person what he does not like. In this case, it is not an adjustment, but respect. But doing something with a person all the time together just to please him and make a "favorable impression" is an adjustment. You have to honestly say, "I don't like football... I don't like melodramas... But I can do it with you... Not every day... Together... If it's important to you... Because it is important and pleasant for me to make you happy." But the main thing is that at the beginning you should say that it does not bring you great pleasure personally. And — especially — this applies to sex! Well, don't be silent in bed — your partner doesn't read minds!..

A relationship where you don't talk about what is important to you, where you gloss over problems and accumulate claims, where you build up the "boundaries of a neurotic personality" is doomed. A relationship — friendly or loving — simply cannot exist without intimacy. It doesn't matter how many months or years you've been together... And how many children do you have?.. And how much real estate do you have...

Everything where there is spiritual deception is a product with spoiled energy. Everything loses its meaning if there are lies and understatement between people.