The illusion of a family based on melodramas

For some reason, people think that they can easily "build relationships.".. Although, if you start asking questions, it turns out that they either do not know any examples of a happy family life in their own environment at all, or they know something remotely and vaguely: "I was /was there somewhere with someone and saw / saw ..." There are no real and visible examples.

Many parents are divorced or live together out of habit and tolerate living together. And these psychologically unstable citizens are often offended by each other and are not an authority for the next generations. But the illusion exists!

Upon detailed analysis, it turns out that boys and girls have seen "true love" only in melodramas, and therefore believe that they have already learned everything from films and TV series. And, of course, from my unhappy past experience... And you often hear: "I feel right now that this is the right person." Brrrr...

When hormones dance the lambada, the brain fades... In general, an inadequate version of reality.

Sex as an evolution project

This approach to creating a family is like watching a video on how to draw and deciding to create a masterpiece right away. What's so difficult about that? You take a pencil, put a piece of paper, run a pencil over the paper. Is it a masterpiece? No, it's a scribble. But these are exactly the illusions that the majority of the population has about relationships.

Question: On which date should I have sex?, — for many, even the arguments of minimal reason outweigh: "Who am I going to have sex with?"... The answer to the "global millennium question" can be very banal: "Whenever you want. Is it really only interested in you and, perhaps, also in the character with whom you are going to do this?". But sex is not the key to a happy relationship. Reciprocity needs to be learned...

A family is a project for decades, as many ideally dream of. And to build such a global plan only on the fact that both of you can make some movements is the height of recklessness. Sex is not your merit or your "strong personality".

Sex is an evolutionary project. And if pleasure hormones were not released during sex, then it would be difficult to engage in such an energy-consuming event for the second time. I would like to force it.

So you have nothing to do with it. It just triggers a switch in the subcortical structures of the brain and — off we go...

Sex without love, sex without knowing another person is always the beginning of suffering. No options. Without a doubt.

To base the choice of a partner on the fact that you are now attracted to him (read — at the moment it does not irritate), and on the fact that you have performed several acrobatic numbers in bed / on the carousel (of course, with a successful coincidence of temperaments) — it's like buying a house when you only saw the facade, but refused to go inside. Like, it'll do, we'll figure it out in the process. Eh... Let's figure it out...

Knowing the other is traumatic for the psyche

People are not in a strong mood to get to know each other now, because the rules are already clearly ingrained in their minds — the rules of how the other should behave! And, mind you, most of these rules are instilled by people who were not happy themselves...

And how should you behave with your partner? Most people have no doubt: "I know that. I'm so—oh-so—good!". But this is a typical illusion of consciousness — to interpret what is happening in a way that is beneficial for self-esteem.

But in fact, knowing another person as an unknown universe is traumatic for the psyche. What if the other one turns out to be not as wonderful a character as I imagined?.. That's exactly what's going to happen. Otherwise, there would not be such huge statistics of divorces and breakups.

Mist of Passion

Yes... Both men and women have many stories about the treachery and betrayal of the opposite sex. Men are now just as afraid to build relationships with women as women are with men. A lot of people were hurt. Therefore, discussing the topic of who is to blame does not make sense.

There is a banal sexual need, there are hormones, the effects of which are difficult for a person who is not burdened with awareness to resist.

Girls during ovulation and boys at hormonal peak can fall in love with any partner! And the more the appearance of a "loved one" gets imprinted (sticking in the image of ideal partner), the stronger the hormonal reaction.

People who are clouded by passions simply do not see who is in front of them. They do not see a real person, and it does not seem important to them to know him as a Friend, because hormones require "continuation of the banquet".

The inner voice always warns

Of course, the "inner voice" always warns. And this is not an abstract definition for the beauty of the narrative. Anyone can remember that even if they saw someone amazing and immediately fell in love, and then something happened and this person caused pain, then at the moment of the first meeting there was something aching inside... Something that warned of future suffering...

Maybe you won't remember right away: the interpreter in the brain will intend to "erase memory" and expose the past in a more favorable light. But from my work experience, I know that everyone is able to remember a strange feeling inside that whispered — it's going to be a big deal!

This "feeling of danger" is always very gentle and tactful, but a person "wanting to get" is armed with logic and etches it out. But... Still try...

Remember the feeling of the first meeting... From the first glance... From the first touch... This will help you in the future. It will help you understand that you knew about the pain in advance.

And in the future, this trust in the primordial inner knowledge can be developed and it will be your best assistant in communication. And then you will stop being afraid to be sincere in the present, because you were burned in the past. And the fear of possible suffering will stop blocking the future...