I want love: sex, hormones, neurons and money

People who write me messages often want to get guarantees that "everything will be fine." It is for this "good" that they urgently need someone who is ready to share life with them "for better or for worse."

For years in a row, many people have been telling themselves the learned formula: "I want true love." And when a loved one appears and a glimmer of hope already looms, people give in to circumstances. "True love" is both beautiful and dangerous because it takes out the brain for real and makes you reconsider your life priorities.

And again you need to jump into the abyss... And you need to open up to another person again... And a splinter of the past stuck in my memory: "It won't work again. You'll suffer again. Hold on— stay detached, don't take risks, don't fall in love." Yes, many people know from the experience of personal breakups that it can be painful. And often the fear outweighs the opportunities...

Marriage dollars

In the context of our conversation, it is interesting to recall the famous study by social psychologist Norma Lee on the distribution of "marriage dollars". Its essence is that if a person is given an unlimited number of marriage dollars, it does not matter whether you are a man or a woman. The choice is the same.

Of all the options offered, you will buy yourself a partner "a sensual movie star with a doctorate, a villa in the south of France and with a great sense of humor".

As we can see, everyone ideally wants "true love", which we will consider from the perspective of biological instincts registered in the brain. Each of us has three basic instincts — sexual instinct, safety and position in society.

Sensual...

The sexual instinct is sexuality. Sexuality is a condition. It is the state of highly developed consciousness that is the mark of actively working neurons.

Sexuality is not just good sex and not the trappings of "prettiness." Sexuality is a great fantasy, ease of communication, freedom of mind and willingness to learn new things.

And dopamine, the pleasure hormone, is always released in the brain to learn new things. And a person is happy without outside interference. All these qualities together are a high level of energy.

Movie star...

A movie star is an indicator of a high position in society. The hierarchical instinct is triggered. A high position in society also affects the instinct of security: if you were able to rise so high, then you are talented and smart.

Villa in the south of France...

Wealth equals security. Money in the modern world is a guarantee that everything will be better for you than for others. It may only be an illusion of security, but it works flawlessly. Because it is instinctively assumed that only a smart person can earn money. Of course, unfortunately, this is not the case. But the instincts in the brain don't care about that.

A doctorate is an indicator of a good mind.

A sense of humor is a consequence of a good mind.

So we see that buying a "sensual movie star with a doctorate, a villa in the south of France and a great sense of humor" boils down to "smart love."

A smart partner is equal to a sexy partner. He is either already rich, or he may become so. A very profitable investment. And the most profitable investment of your life's time is a relationship with an intelligent person.

Sex and hormones. Sex and money

Further, the study changed the parameters and limited the number of marriage dollars. Under such circumstances, men's physical attractiveness came out on top, women's social status and partner opportunities. Men put the social status of women in the last place, and women put the physical attractiveness of men in the last place.

Now we observe that when there is no money, then for most men only the sexual instinct is triggered. Since the choice is limited, then we are no longer talking about a great relationship and "true love", but simply about reproduction. Many unconscious citizens are ready to "invest themselves" in any attractive partner in order to "conditionally" transfer genes. But they are not ready... And they are not going to live with these many beautiful ladies. There is no desire to learn, to learn, to communicate. We are not talking about any kind of relationship building at all.

Sex and hormones. Just sex and hormones.

And women, frightened by the demands of society for reproduction, with limited funds, concentrate only on the social status and capabilities of the partner, i.e. on money as a security system. In this case, the ladies' sexual instinct is firmly connected with finances. Subconsciously, it is assumed that a rich man will better provide for his partner and her possible offspring, even if he does not live with her.

Sex and money. Just sex and money.

Now we can clearly see that there is no reason to blame most women for wanting a rich partner. Yes, the girls want to get protection in the form of capital. And more... And they are ready to go on any "marital" adventures with any partners, if men are ready to take care of the safe residence of an anxious beauty.

It is also not fair to blame many men for changing their partners by marking their habitat. It's just an instinctive fear of not getting "immortality" for centuries... Fear of not passing on your genes ... Fear of death.

When people's capabilities are limited, only instincts work. Do you want to overcome them? There is no need to strain yourself in the fight against neurons. It is better to develop a brain and become smart. (I understand that this is an unexpected offer for many people in your environment, whose intelligence does not turn on without prompting Internet search engines.) But only in the case of well-functioning neurons, the number of your marriage dollars will increase enormously in the market of "true love". And — yes — then you can choose.

And now about the pleasant things. There are qualities that all men and women have named regardless of their instinctive nature. Intelligence and kindness. Yes, all people want to live with smart and kind partners. By the way, maybe such a person is already with you? Let's check...

I hope many of you can be congratulated. There is a man nearby. A Friend Is Nearby. I don't write "love" on purpose, so as not to mislead. No... "Just" a loved one who is so hard to get, so hard to beg from this dispassionate quantum universe. And it doesn't matter what kind of connection you have with this person now or will have later — friendly or turning into intimacy. None of this matters...

Learning about life

In the material "The label of the hero and the paradox of suffering"I wrote that "the more you want love, the more likely you are to suffer again. Because in love, it's not what you get that matters, but what you give. The partner himself is important." We also talked about how difficult it is to change your life. You know, a global step towards real awareness, true love and changes in life does not need to wait for years ...

To change life, you need to understand that you first need to learn life itself. Learning to live with a person, not an image. Learn to feel, and not to figure out in your mind whether a new partner will become "yours" for the rest of your life. It doesn't matter at all. Just remove the claims of "living together until death do you part." Let them be replaced by the pure joy of feeling together "here and now".

You have a very short life to comprehend everything. But today you can learn to smile... To myself. A simple inner smile, without a forced grimace on his face. And someone's heart will sincerely respond. Again, it doesn't matter when it happens. Because...

It takes time to learn about life. Love takes time. It takes time for your eyes to start burning from a personal state of pleasure.

And — yes — over time, this will manifest itself in a completely non-"spiritual" way: others will hold their eyes on you and make "obscene offers".

People are attracted only by your energy — the most invincible and honest thing in the world. Energy, personal strength, is something that you acquire yourself, so no one can take it away from you.

P.S. And for those who have not yet met "their man", I will say: fall in love first. And be the first to make "obscene" offers. After all, people are sometimes so timid, and so afraid of rejection, so they are haunted all their lives with enviable frequency by "crises of middle and semi-middle age." But we're not like that, are we?.. Therefore, do it. Therefore, take risks.

Love and enjoy.