Инна Иванова Friday, November 27, 2020

Hero label and the paradox of suffering

Hero label and the paradox of suffering

In the material Illusions of love: what do you need from another person? I wrote that at the end of any stressful stage, hormonal spring begins for many, regardless of the date on the calendar. After this article, a large number of messages came, which enthusiastically confirm this. And they demand to continue the topic: an excursion into the depths of "perception" caused real internal resistance.

This was reflected in the fact that people actively wrote me personal messages, not wanting to speak out in the comments. Yes, to realize that you are not looking for love, but chasing admiration and approval, it hurts both for self-esteem and for reassessing the world.

The material ended with an innocent intrigue: "Only you can change, design and build your life in such a way that your fate is admired by you in the first place. And other people will already catch up in the process. Well, now, how difficult is it?" I got a lot of answers. And most of them assessed changing their own lives as a radically difficult task.

What are you missing?

How many sincere and emotional words have I read! If you combine the whole heap of opinions, it turns out that everything beautiful that people have been creating for years turned out to be an obstacle to the "happy turn of fate": someone needs to raise children, someone needs to sort out relationships, someone needs to leave their parents, someone needs to finish building a house, someone needs to build a career, someone needs to finish the repairs, someone needs to fix their head. The last statement — the most honest one — I liked the most. Well, everyone said that money is needed for the planned changes. Why money? Why are new skills and new knowledge not being considered? After all, everyone around is not poor people. No one is starving. Everyone pays the bills. And everyone has enough for their current life. What is missing?

You always do not have enough for an imaginary life — for a fictional image: "when I have money, then I will be happy." This is akin to a typical excuse — "when I lose weight/ get pumped up/earn money, I will have love." This shit doesn't work. Never.

Even when you have money, this crap will not be removed from consciousness. She will also sit there and itch: "little, little, little, give me more." This shit is fear. A banal fear of the future. Now think about what are you really afraid of? Without this incomprehensible definition, "fear of the future". We thought about it... Continue.

What are you really afraid of?

It's not the changes in your life that you're afraid of. You are afraid of people. You are always afraid that in the future it will be people who will hurt you. You don't go outside with fear of encountering an aggressive birch tree and thunderclouds blocking the Sun don't suggest the Apocalypse?

In the future, you are not afraid of interacting with objects and phenomena, no matter how "prophets" scare you with the next end of the world. Neither new viruses, nor economic crises, nor catastrophes, nor revolutions cause suffering in the abstract. These are just the cherries on the public cake of global anxiety. And specific phobias, such as, for example, the fear of spiders or the fear of flying on airplanes, are already the consequences of internal imbalance, which can be treated with high-quality psychotherapy.


You are really afraid only of what can bring inner feelings. And it's always about people. That's why many are so afraid to leave a traumatic relationship with a person who humiliates /betrays /deceives. The habit of living in a familiar hell has long been fixed as an act of patience. And I have long received a hundred confirmations of the mind that "this is right."

Only people can always cause pain. Because it is only from people that you constantly expect a response to your opinions, behavior, achievements, etc. A positive response generates joy and confidence, a negative one generates sadness and resentment.

I hope this has become obvious.

So, back to the question: "How difficult is it to change your life?".

I know — the moment of hanging came, and the interpreter in the brain began to read the instructions for survival in this world. And "suddenly" it turned out that everything was fine with you. Heat. Comfortably. Satisfying. Well, what are you going to change? Now we'll read, eat something delicious, watch a movie, sleep... And there's a salary ahead, a vacation... and there's so much more to buy and do... Right. Maybe you don't need to change anything?.. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not in this life. Do not attract trials with your desires. Such wishes come true. They always come true. And always not in the way you imagined in your mind. Yes, simply because you don't have enough imagination to come up with "such a thing".

I know. Because people come to me and often ask me to change my fate. And they say that everything is bad for them. I tell them, "Okay. We are deleting all this. In a year, you will have everything new and everything in a new way." God, how much fear I see in your eyes! And immediately there is a bidding process: "No, no, no. And let's leave that. And I like that too. And I've already gotten used to it. And the partner does not seem to be a stranger either, although he is so-so in life. And I'm already used to it."

Don't worry, I won't offer you such drastic measures now. You won't even have to get up from the couch. Just try to understand... If it doesn't work out, don't worry. Get outraged, send me away, and live happily ever after! Everything is really going great for you...

Where do other people live?

It's hard to change fate when you build relationships with other people only in your mind. And then you have mental sex with these images.

You have between 100 and 230 people living in the default brain system. The default system is a neural network of operational rest. It is active in a state when a person is not busy performing a certain task, but is wandering in his thoughts.

So, you have people living in your head. Without exaggeration. You are constantly talking to one of them, arguing, solving issues. And from such a flurry of partners, you feel tired, exhausted, and empty by the evening. Of course, so much energy is spent on building virtual relationships!

But such a relationship is beneficial to you. You mentally label yourself as "knowledgeable" and come out victorious in all disputes and cases. Only then do you put your images on other people in reality, and they tell you no. Your husbands, wives, friends, lovers, mistresses, colleagues tell you no. And that "no" is killing you.

How dare they do this when you have built everything so perfectly in your mind and spent so much time on these energy-intensive interactions? You get upset and immediately put up new labels: this moron, this fool, this bastard and a fat brute. And it becomes easier to exist. Isn't that right? Truth. Because...

The position of the "knowledgeable" has nothing to do with real life. And it is impossible to change fate, being in the position of the hero of illusions.

Therefore, I declare with confidence that you have an exaggerated complex of usefulness.

By the way, many people think that they have an inferiority complex, so they constantly do something to improve themselves physically and/or go all out for "spiritual growth". Thus, they seem to be trying to sign a contract with themselves, with God, with higher powers that they will strain themselves now, and then make a profit in the form of love, business, happiness. No!.. And this statement is not from me, but from the history of evolution!

There is not a single evolutionary proof that being born on planet Earth guarantees happiness and love. Not a single one.

How can we live with this knowledge now? Simply. To learn the ease of perception.

For ease of perception, you need to learn to see each person in a new way every time. It just seems to you that you know the person, and you have understood everything about him. Even if you have been living or being friends with someone for twenty years, this does not at all indicate your omniscience.

You don't know anything beyond the boundaries of your body and your brain.

All you spend your life on is just a convenient interpretation of your fictional reality. And based on this ignorance, you demand love. Someone terrorizes God with their "love", someone directs the efforts of their own importance to a partner. And now...


The paradox: the more you want love, the more likely you are to suffer again. Because in love, it's not what you get that matters, but what you give. The partner himself is important. Therefore, remove from consciousness the invented unrealistic demands on others. If you are personally interested in listening to a person... If you personally enjoy taking care of a person... And if this is not for the sake of future relationships, marriage and "joint commitments", then you have a chance for happiness, contrary to the history of evolution. Go ahead.

Yes It will be Better This Way.

Friday, November 27, 2020 11:55 AM 

Да Будет Так и Лучше. 

Sunday, November 29, 2020 8:53 AM 

Благодарю Вас! Очень ценно! 🙏🙏♥️

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