Инна Иванова Thursday, November 19, 2020

Hormonal boom: divorce for wimps

Hormonal boom: divorce for wimps

In difficult times, people need reciprocity and understanding, not enlightenment and communication with other worlds. Very good! I am very happy. A real movement has begun.

Many people rushed to the sports centers. Many have signed up for training. Many have started to monitor their diet. Many people are thinking about new projects. Many people wake up...

The crisis works perfectly: a new consciousness is born out of fears — and not an individual one, but a public one. And the new society requires change and love.

And although there is little sun now and, it would seem, the weather does not contribute to the rise of energy, but the facts are obvious: a piece of primordial recklessness returns to people tired of worries. Under the influence of an internal impulse, he is attracted to intimacy and communication. And again I want to take a chance. And I want to fall in love again. And in dreams of the future, all desires are feasible. And the humid air, as after the first kiss, is fresh and tart. And there is hope in him. Is it familiar? Of course!..

Well what... Do you also want the ridiculous and romantic? Don't worry. You are not alone in your desires.

Many people now "demand love" and high-speed ways to get ecstasy: "who should I pray to, which door should I knock on, so that they would give it quickly." Although this is the most "quickly given" — a divorce for weaklings, which can be expressed in the famous phrase: "Only shit comes by itself, but you have to dive for pearls."

But beautiful illusions about "quickly received love" continue to wander in the minds. What other obsessions are lurking there? We'll figure it out.

Meeting people, not lovers

In the material Illusions of love: what do you need from another person? we talked about the fact that in the vast majority of cases, the consciousness of a typical person requires that they be admired. This is a fact. But there is a nuance — it is ready to admire someone by itself. Sometimes by anyone. When the sexual center begins to dominate the brain, the worthiness of the object of passion fades into the background.

People fall in love with a sexual object, and when an active hormonal reaction takes place, they are surprised to find it nearby... Human.

And this person "suddenly" oh so does not match the invented image. The meeting of people, not lovers, takes place about six months later. But if you started living together right away, then after a couple of months misunderstandings and domestic quarrels may begin. At first, they were pretty cute — "you promised/you promised." Naturally, partners delay the fulfillment of "vows" to each other, because they no longer have the hormonal motivation to strain themselves once again.

Well, many people didn't strain much before that. Although they really had to "let go" of their favorite mobile phone several times to have sex. Yes, a great victory over yourself! It was a heroic act in the beginning of the era of digital impotence. After all, social networks bring more pleasant emotions to the majority of the population than a partner. And the partner?.. Well, what should I talk to him about? What should I do with it? Just sex.

And sex is just sex — it's always an ordinary bodily reaction, until you turn this "simple action" into a higher spiritual practice. But to do this, you need to "just" train tens of billions of neurons.

Cultural direction of idiocy

According to modern statistics, those individuals who managed to seal hormonal relationships with stamps in their passports within six months of meeting can break up after three years. People can no longer stand the "love" they so longed for. By the way, until recently, couples suffered for up to seven years on average. Now life has accelerated, and sex has devalued.

A lot of dating apps and quick sex create the illusion that, going through options and other people's beds, you will definitely find someone to your liking. Only the taste has not been formed for most of them.

By taste, I mean inner values that are based on personal experience, and not obtained by reading banal posts about "love". This is already a direct cultural trend of idiocy — phrases about the "life position" on social networks.

The most hyped from the face of a woman to the side of a man: "I am difficult to find, easy to lose and impossible to forget." From man to woman: "A real man is like a wolf: either alone or with one wolf forever. And running after sheep is the lot of sheep."

If you have heard from a man something profound in the style of "I am a lone wolf" and all sorts of nonsense about the fact that "I cannot be tamed", you do not need to run... It's not a wolf, it's a moron. Leave quietly forever.

If you have heard from a woman something like "the goddess of sex", "I need to be conquered", "I am a nut that not everyone can handle", we also leave the scene without looking back.

Similar wolves and goddesses were at my reception in large numbers. And I declare with all responsibility: their "life positions" are a bunch of show—offs, fears and complexes against the background of a shitty working brain, i.e. the complete absence of at least some attempt at conscious thinking. They have a kind of programmed consciousness... No matter how they talk and move, but damn, it's not in this life that they're destined to learn to think. And — attention — do not dare to stop them from "enjoying life" at their discretion, because when two similar characters meet, they perfectly combine.

You can observe such couples in any public place, but they are especially pronounced in a restaurant. They came there because they need to be cool. They place an order because they need to post a beautiful photo of food on Instagram. They hang out on phones to create an appearance of importance. They don't talk because there's nothing to talk about. So their "years of love" go on until another hormonal crisis on the side.

Who's in charge of the pack?

So, three years of patience and joint idiocy will be memorable and painful if you fall in love with a partner not a person, but a hormonal object. And in order to remake this facility to meet your own requirements, a roller coaster for survival begins.

Each representative of the newly formed "family" has a biological center responsible for the hierarchy. It can be beautifully called: "Who is in charge of the pack?". It is precisely this distribution of roles that people are engaged in, trying to "get used to". But there is no understanding in this process. There is only the struggle of the sexes, which I would call the struggle of stupidity.

The most typical and stupid behavior leading to the separation of once-good lovers is to try to remake a partner to fit your invented image.

If you can stop in time.... If you stop playing God according to the principle: "I know better what you need," then you will have a chance to make another person happy. He will relax next to you...

Yes, he will just relax, because he will not need to match the images of a passionate macho/goddess of sex, a successful businessman/good housewife, etc.

Only a relaxed person can be happy. Only a relaxed person knows how to love and does not know how to change. Not to you. Not to myself.

Of course, relaxation should also be accompanied by those very inner values and a well-functioning brain. But you need to pay attention to such things at the beginning of a relationship, and not when you already have children, mortgages, loans, and you "suddenly" realized that you are not suitable for each other. You weren't right for each other. You were just having sex. And they would continue to do this without any claims to a "real feeling". Now you have lost both good sex and unrequited love.


I know that what I wrote is not inspiring at all. I know that you still want to experience an explosion of hormones over and over again. I also know that if you don't rush to "quickly take" what came by itself, you can create a relationship in which hormones will constantly bring you simple endorphin happiness. This happiness is called tenderness, understanding, and care. And even if you once again rushed to choose a partner, you do not need to condemn yourself for being disappointed again. Smile at your own recklessness and keep taking risks.

Keep taking risks

It is no exaggeration to say that only the masters of mindfulness can cope with the effect of hormones on the body. Endorphins are such a delight. And your brain prescribes them to you as the best medicine for "life".

Take it as a fact — you can't resist the action of hormones yet, so enjoy your "mistakes" and keep taking risks. And keep falling in love.

When enlightenment happens, there will be no turning back. But in the past — unconscious — states it was so much fun. As they say: "There is something to remember. There is nothing to tell the children."

You know... You don't have to believe me... Check it out on your own experience... But until God catches up with you and covers you with this very "divine impulse" — live to the fullest. Don't slow down. Don't be afraid.

Love the way you can, not the way it's "right." Because the Impulse comes only to those who take risks, not to those who live right. And in this short life you may not have a chance to learn the universal "truth", but there is always a chance to create it yourself — to be relaxed, cheerful and happy without any enlightenment! Therefore, take risks and love.

Let it be Better this way.

Thursday, November 19, 2020 3:04 PM 

«И, как уже неоднократно говорилось, не надо пытаться отлюбить весь мир. Тренируйся на кошках. На тех милых кошечках, кого ты называешь своими девочками. И на остальных. Самых близких. Самых родных. Научись любить тех, кого не нужно любить через силу».

Насчет эндорфинового счастья согласен. Через 5 лет совсместной жизни с супругой все изменилось так, словно познакомились словно вчера. И все дело было именно в расслабленности и снятии напряжения. Не давать то, что считаешь нужным. А дать сначала то, чего человеку хочется. Кафе, одежда, впечатления... и не ради чего-то, а просто потому что тебе это не трудно. Ничего не ожидая взамен.... все просто на словах. И еще проще в действиях. Просто нужно пробовать и экспериментировать. И, опять же, начинать придется с себя. Разрешить другому человеку быть собой и освободить его от наших ожиданий... только так...

Monday, November 30, 2020 12:06 AM 

Инна, благодарю Вас за статью и особенно за эту фразу: «Люди влюбляются в половой объект, а когда проходит активная гормональная реакция, с удивление обнаруживают рядом... Человека».

В разговоре с подругой об отношениях, я посоветовала максимально возможно отодвинуть интим, на что она мне возразила:

  • нет, когда я влюбляюсь, мне нужно все и сразу: я не могу ждать!
  • ты же понимаешь, что это не любовь, а только лишь игра горомонов? — сказала я.
  • зачем ты принижаешь мои чувства?! я же ТОЧНО ЗНАЮ, ЧТО я ЧУВСТВУЮ!!! — был ее ответ мне....

Как хорошо, что я уже прочитала Вашу статью «Кризис могущества»! ))))))) Поэтому мы просто сменили тему...

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