Illusions of love: What do you need from another person?

A large number of people are surprised to write to me that they are overwhelmed by an unaccountable desire for happiness. And — "so that love happens immediately", and "so that you get into the pool with your head", and "come what may, if only as soon as possible", and "I don't care about everything, I want to love", and "so that forever and only me".

The thirst for "immediate passion" stems from the fact that many people now feel lonely, and "there is no one nearby who would understand and support." How often do I have to read this. A series of similar messages does not run out ...

A person writes and thinks that this is only his "problem", and everyone around "lives and does not sweat". No! Everyone is living and steaming around. And living with someone on the same territory — family life in the public understanding — is absolutely not a guarantee that a person does not get sick from loneliness.

Every person and the whole of humanity has only one real crisis — loneliness, everything else is easily solved.

Typical love

The biggest misunderstanding between people occurs when they say the same words and are sure that others put the same concepts into these words as they do. This is especially evident with the word "love".

What do you really mean when you talk about mutual love with "your man"? Do you think you understand love as a wonderful relationship between two beautiful lovers? No, you always mean the attitude of the opposite sex towards you personally. Take, for example, the typical arguments about the love of a conventional man and a conventional woman.

For a typical man, love is for a woman to obey him in everything, that is, to honor, not contradict, respect his opinion, no matter what he did, follow him wherever he went. And so on in the same spirit: "I'm a man, so I'm right." Plus, she was "extremely sexy." In the understanding of a man, she was always ready for sex and always wanted it when he needed it. Plus, she cooked deliciously what he likes, but "not all fashionable inedible crap."

For a typical woman, love is for a man to take responsibility for her, i.e. fulfill her desires, listen, support and, most importantly, always have money. And he always spent it on her with joy.: "I'm a woman, so he has to." Plus, he was "extremely sexy." In the understanding of a woman, I always felt when she wanted sex, I always knew exactly where to touch, how long and gently / hard to rub and press, in general, I understood how to excite her personally, and not those who were before her.

The effect of female arousal also includes expensive gifts, restaurants and regular vacation trips. A mandatory program! "But how else can a man show his love?" — ladies are surprised after listening to the guru of building relationships on the Internet.

To summarize.

• In the understanding of a typical man, love means that she always wants him, talks less and cooks well.
• In the understanding of a typical woman, love is for him to be only her, always listen to her and pay for her desires.

Contractual obligations

As you can see, representatives of both sexes are talking only about satisfying biological needs: food, sex, safety. And about the various ways to relieve stress.

A man relieves tension through sex: this is how his brain fights problems most effectively. A woman through shopping: money for her is connected with the security system. And the more she spends, the calmer she feels.

So what?.. What does this refer to as a "real feeling"? Nothing. These are normal contractual obligations. Therefore, I recommend at the beginning of a relationship to find out from each other what you mean by such a beautiful concept of "love".

When you are told that you are loved, answer sincerely what you feel, but do not forget to ask later what you need to do now to justify "such a great gift."

I'm not kidding...

Another person/any person always feels like the center of the universe, no matter where they are. And he always feels right, no matter what he does — this is a feature of the human psyche that always justifies the ego. Therefore, a person offers his love as a great gift. I emphasize that it is a gift with the necessary obligations towards one's own significant personality.

By the way... Now some conscious readers have thought that the above does not apply to them, and they have already overcome the "typical man" and "typical woman" in their perception. Of course, the interpretation center in the brain will always have time to tell you that you are not so "primitive thinking". I believe. I always do. Therefore, let's continue...

And let's translate the word "love" from the abstract language of the generally accepted model of "everything will be fine" into the specific language of the brain.

The desire for admiration

There is not a single center in the brain that is responsible for "love". But there is a biological breeding program, and it is set up to be admired.

When you want love, you dream of admiration. Really. The desire to get /beg/ conjure "your own person" for life suggests that the center of reproduction begins to dominate all other centers of the brain. And in consciousness, this manifests itself as a desire for admiration.

I hope you have now felt a pang of indignation and a feeling that "you have been deceived." Very good. What I am saying should not be liked, it should work in such a way as to rid you of illusions collected from models of the past. Otherwise, the energy of the future will not be able to create a beautiful destiny for you, and you will vegetate year after year in invented misfortunes and repeat the same nonsense. The biggest stupidity is to live in discontent. Why do people take root in this habit?

The desire of the Great

The existence of many proceeds according to a well-established "home-work—home" scenario with various nuances — sports, entertainment, illness, vacation. And such a life does not satisfy the ego. After all, I want something great. I want some kind of purpose. And definitely personal. And it is imperative that God pay attention to you individually and give you something extraordinary. All that God can give you is that very divine impulse, which is commonly called enlightenment. But this is too global a topic to develop now.

Now, in the wake of disagreement, think about being honest with yourself. You need to frankly admit to yourself why you need love. But not the abstract love of God, but the love of another person specifically. Think about it... Think about it... Think...

Creating a great

If you were absolutely passionate about your life, would you need "someone else's love"? Would you need a person who appreciates you and your life "on merit"? No, of course not. You would only need your own life. And if there is someone walking next to you, great: You are extremely lucky to have met someone close in spirit. No, you move calmly through time, satisfied with yourself and happy with yourself. And this is no longer a typical fate. This is already an atypical state of mind — that very awareness. And you can create this state for yourself. Always by yourself.

Only you can change, design and build your life in such a way that your destiny is admired by yourself in the first place. And other people will already catch up in the process.

Well, now, how difficult is it?..